The first thing most people do when they separate is call a lawyer. Sometimes that's the right move. Often it's not — or at least, not yet. Engaging a litigating solicitor as your first step when there's no actual dispute costs money you may not need to spend and can create a more adversarial dynamic than your situation requires.

This is a guide to the full spectrum — from self-managed agreements through to contested litigation — what each option is, what it actually costs, and when to use it.

The spectrum, from cheapest to most expensive

The mistake most people make is thinking separation comes in two varieties: "sort it out between yourselves" or "get lawyers involved." There are at least five distinct options between those poles, and which one you use should be determined by your situation, not by what you heard from someone else who went through it.

Option 1: Negotiated agreement between the parties

What it is: You and your ex work out the terms yourselves — parenting arrangements, property split, financial matters — and document it without professional involvement beyond basic legal advice.

When it works: Both parties are cooperative. The financial situation is relatively clear. There are no significant power imbalances, no family violence history, no hidden assets, no serious disagreement about the children. Both parties are financially literate enough to understand what they're agreeing to.

What it costs: Close to nothing in professional fees. The cost is time and the risk of getting something materially wrong.

What it misses: Informally agreed arrangements are not enforceable. If one party later reneges on the deal, there's nothing to compel compliance. You also won't necessarily know if you've left something on the table — an asset category that wasn't discussed, a future needs adjustment you were entitled to, a super split that would have benefited you significantly.

Use this only if the arrangement is genuinely simple and you're both willing to at minimum get the agreement formalised cheaply through the consent orders process.

Option 2: Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) / Mediation

What it is: A structured negotiation facilitated by an accredited Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner (FDRP). Both parties attend, usually separately for intake and then jointly, with a neutral mediator helping them identify issues and work toward agreement.

For parenting matters, FDR is generally a mandatory prerequisite before you can apply to the court for parenting orders (with limited exceptions for urgency or family violence). There's no such mandatory requirement for financial matters, but mediation is commonly used there too.

When it works: There are genuine disagreements but no extreme power imbalances. Both parties are willing to participate in good faith. The main issues are a limited set that can be worked through in a few sessions.

What it costs: Costs vary significantly depending on whether you use a government-funded service or a private practitioner.

Government-funded Family Relationship Centres offer FDR at no cost or low cost, income-tested. There are over 65 across Australia. The downside is waiting lists — in some areas, wait times are several weeks or longer.

Private FDR practitioners typically charge $200–$500 per hour. Sessions often run two to three hours, and a complete mediation process (including intake sessions) usually involves four to eight hours of total time. Budget $800–$3,000 for a complete private mediation.

Some mediators specialise in property matters. Some are solicitors who also practise as mediators. If the financial matters are complex, a financially-experienced mediator adds value.

What it misses: Mediation can't be used if there's a history of family violence, an extreme power imbalance, or one party is acting in bad faith. The mediator can't give you legal advice about whether the agreement you're reaching is a good one for you. It helps to have at least a basic legal consultation before mediation so you know what your entitlements look like.

The output of a successful FDR process is a written agreement — for parenting matters, a parenting plan. For financial matters, the heads of agreement that a solicitor can then formalise into consent orders or a binding financial agreement.

Option 3: Collaborative law

What it is: Both parties each engage a specially trained collaborative lawyer. All parties — lawyers and clients — sign a participation agreement committing to resolve the matter without going to court. If the collaboration breaks down, both lawyers must withdraw and the parties must engage new representation for litigation.

When it works: Both parties want to avoid court but recognise they need legal advice throughout the process. More complex financial situations. Situations where power balance matters and you want your own legal advocate in the room, but both parties genuinely want a negotiated resolution.

What it costs: More than mediation, less than litigation. Fees depend on complexity and the lawyers' hourly rates, but a complete collaborative law process for a property settlement might cost $5,000–$20,000 per party. That sounds like a lot. Compared to litigation, it frequently isn't.

What it misses: It requires both parties to commit. If one party isn't genuinely cooperative, the process breaks down — expensively.

Option 4: Solicitor-negotiated settlement

What it is: Both parties engage their own solicitor. The solicitors exchange correspondence, negotiate terms, draft agreements, and work toward a settlement without court proceedings.

When it works: There are legal complexities — business valuations, unusual assets, complex super, an inheritance question — where you need legal advice that translates into negotiating strategy. There's limited direct communication between the parties. One or both parties is not confident negotiating without representation.

What it costs: Solicitor hourly rates in Australia range from approximately $250–$500+ depending on firm size, specialty, and state. A solicitor-negotiated property settlement for a moderately complex situation might cost $3,000–$15,000 per party. Simple matters less. Complex ones more.

This is also where the choice of solicitor matters enormously. A lawyer who is experienced in settling matters and prefers resolution will often achieve a better outcome at lower cost than one who defaults to an adversarial stance. Ask explicitly: "What's your approach to settlement? How many of your matters resolve without litigation?"

Option 5: Litigation

What it is: The matter proceeds to court. The Family Court hears the dispute and makes orders.

When it works: One party is acting in bad faith. There's a history of family violence. There are safety concerns for the children. One party refuses to engage with any other process. There are complex legal issues — international elements, contested business valuations, significant asset hiding — that require judicial determination.

What it costs: Contested family law litigation in Australia is among the most expensive dispute resolution processes available. Legal fees of $50,000–$200,000+ per party are not uncommon for fully contested matters that proceed to hearing. Proceedings take years. The emotional cost is substantial.

The Family Court's current waiting times for final hearings can be measured in years. This has improved in some registries following structural reforms in 2021, but the system remains under significant pressure.

Most matters that enter litigation ultimately settle before a final hearing — but by that point, a significant portion of the legal fees have already been incurred.

The decision framework

Choose your entry point based on these questions.

Is there family violence or a significant power imbalance? Skip negotiation and mediation. Engage a solicitor and understand your legal options before any direct engagement.

Are you both cooperative and the situation relatively straightforward? Start with FDR. If it produces agreement, formalise it cheaply.

Are there legal complexities — super, business interests, significant assets — that you're not confident understanding? Get at least one legal consultation before mediation. Know your position before you negotiate.

Is one party not engaging at all? You may need to formally request FDR (which creates an obligation to participate for parenting matters) or move to a solicitor.

Is everything breaking down and the children are at risk or one party is hiding assets? Litigation is the mechanism for those situations. It's expensive. It's slow. It's sometimes unavoidable.

Before you book anyone, use Atlas Admin tool to list what you need help deciding and what documents you already have.

One thing that saves money at every level

Get one legal consultation early. Not to engage a litigation lawyer — just to understand what the legal landscape of your situation looks like. A single hour with an experienced family lawyer, even if you then handle everything else through mediation, pays for itself in better decision-making.

Most family law firms offer a fixed-fee first consultation. Use it.

If cost is the deciding factor, put the likely mediation or legal fees into Atlas Finances tool before you commit.

Sources and further reading

  • Family Relationships Online — find an FDR service: familyrelationships.gov.au
  • Attorney-General's Department — family dispute resolution overview: ag.gov.au
  • Law Society in your state — find an accredited family law specialist (search "[your state] law society find a lawyer")
  • Community Legal Centres — free or low-cost legal help: clcs.org.au
  • Legal Aid — income-tested free legal advice in each state
  • Australian Institute of Family Studies — dispute resolution and outcomes: aifs.gov.au