Quick answer

After separation, document:

  • agreements
  • parenting changes
  • missed handovers
  • child-related decisions
  • money transfers
  • major incidents
  • safety concerns
  • legal and professional advice
  • property and account changes

Do not document every mood, insult or minor annoyance. A useful record is factual, dated and boring.

The screenshot swamp

At first you save everything.

Every text. Every weird tone. Every late pickup. Every “fine.” Every thing that proves you are not the unreasonable one.

Three weeks later you have 417 screenshots and no useful record.

The point of documentation is not to build a museum of the breakup. It is to preserve facts you may need later.

If communication is the issue you are documenting around, read the BIFF communication guide.

The categories that matter most

Use Atlas Admin as your running log: one place for agreements, incidents, decisions and what was said when.

Track these categories:

Agreements

What was agreed, when, by whom, and how.

Parenting changes

Handover changes, care pattern changes, school issues, medical appointments, missed time.

Money

Payments, reimbursements, child support, mortgage payments, school expenses, joint account withdrawals.

Property

Valuations, repairs, access to the home, sale discussions, mortgage contact.

Safety

Threats, stalking, coercive control, police events, intervention orders, technology abuse.

Professional advice

Lawyer meetings, GP appointments, counsellor referrals, financial advice.

The template

Use this format:

  • Date:
  • Time:
  • Category:
  • What happened:
  • Who was present:
  • Evidence attached:
  • Action taken:
  • Next step:

Example:

14 May, 4.05pm. Handover. Other parent arrived 35 minutes late. No prior message. Child upset because sport gear was missing. I messaged at 4.20pm asking for Tuesday sport bag to be included next week. Screenshot saved.

Boring. Perfect.

What is overkill

Overkill looks like:

  • documenting every facial expression
  • writing emotional essays
  • saving 40 screenshots for one issue
  • recording children unnecessarily
  • trying to provoke evidence
  • turning your notes into a revenge novel

If a third party would read it and think “this person needs sleep,” edit it down.

When to document instead of reply

Document instead of replying when:

  • the message is bait
  • the issue has already been answered
  • the tone is abusive but no practical question is asked
  • replying will escalate
  • the fact matters more than the argument

A record can be stronger than a comeback.

Common mistakes

No dates

Undated records are mush.

Too much interpretation

“She deliberately tried to ruin my day” is interpretation. “Pickup was 45 minutes late with no message” is fact.

Hiding your own role

If you also changed the plan, include it. A clean record is not a PR document.

The practical next step

Create one running document today.

Add three headings: parenting, money, admin.

Then record only what belongs there. The rest can stay out of the swamp.

Sources and resources

Last checked: 20 May 2026.

This article is general information, not legal, financial or medical advice. Check the current rules before acting on anything money, court or health related. If there is family violence, coercive control, risk to children, urgent housing risk or court orders in place, get professional advice before relying on a checklist.